My mission this month ( the month of thankfulness) is to fully except and be happy with myself. Flaws and all!
I want to try my hardest to live I'm the present, not past or future. I have a wonderful life and am setting out to enjoy it dang it!
Friday, October 25, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
First change
Today and tomorrow I have decided to take a break. Emotionally, physically, etc. I will take these two days to love on myself, take care of me, and enjoy my family. We have had a very tough couple of months (when it rains, it pours), and I honestly am not doing so well. I am trying to avoid and numb the pain/ fear instead of calling on God and taking care of myself. Somehow I decide self sabotage (i.e. Doing things I know aren't part of my plans for myself) is the way to deal. I admit it, I'm not good at dealing sometimes. I'm trying to get better.
So anyways, I will post my new schedule and exercise/eating plan soon.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Ready to move forward
I am so tired of living life in a yo-yo pattern. It isn't just food I am talking about- it is everything. I cook great meals every night for a couple of weeks, then for a couple of days I can't even manage to get mac n cheese on the table. I clip coupons and deal shop for a few weeks, then I am so tired one week I barely manage to get the necessities at Walmart. I will eat and exercise perfectly for 3 weeks only to totally blow it for a week or two after. I cannot seem to stay constant. And I am sick of it!!!
I want to be stable and constant in every way. I started this blog as an attempt to catch on to my own patterns and hopefully understand why this happens so I can change. I have a hunch that I let myself get too worn out (doing it all, all the time)- so my first step is to set up a more forgiving, more maneagable schedule for myself. I also know that when I am doing my "diet and exercise" plan, I tend to feel like I 'm really missing out. I am a cook...I love food. I have never been overweight, but I like to eat. I can deal with lean meat and veggies for about 2 weeks before I start just getting depressed about it. Especially when I am cooking masterpieces for my family. So, I decided that has to go too. I am trying out the If It Fits Your Macros philosophy for the next phase of my life to see how I like it.
SO-
Snapshot of my life, right now:
I am 5'6", 132 lbs. I just gained 10 lbs in the past 3 months- I was in a fitness (NPC) competition 3 months ago and kind of had a bad experience. I want to do a show again, but in a different manor. More on that later. I am 7 pounds more than I think I want to be, but I have been treating my body badly the past 3 months. Don't get me wrong, I look good right now. I am by no means overweight. But I am starting to feel a little uncomfortable in my skin, and I know it's because I am not where my personal ideal body weight is.
My typical schedule is very bipolar. I am manically busy (at least I feel manically busy) for 2-3 wees, and then one week I just cant handle it anymore and get by doing the bare minimum. I HATE this about myself- that one week I spend selfish, depressed, and just hating my life. I tend to think it's because I completely exhaust myself those 3 weeks, and then when my body makes me rest, I get mad that I'm no a robot and that everything isn't getting done that I PLANNED to do.
Here is an idea of how my life pans out:
Schedule (as planned)
5am- up, to the gym
645-home, make breakfast, pack lunches, get myself and kids ready
8:15- kids at school, me to work
8:30-1:30- work
1:30-3:00- volunteer at school or errands/shopping
315- get kids,
homework, clean, hang with kids
6- dinner
dishes, kids chores, kids baths,
8- kids bed
1 hour with husband
9- start getting ready for bed
This is a typical day in my life. But sometimes I go off the deep end and just do enough to get by. I skip the gym and sleep until 7, I have the kids eat cereal, and don't do the dishes. Dinner is ramen noodles and sandwiches. I forget to check hw, I don't do laundry....you get the idea. I hate dropping the ball! I hate more the guilt and dissatisfaction of not completing these tasks some days, than the actual ball drop. I would say I currently mess up like this 3 times a month. And it is all in the same week. So, I'll do good for 3 weeks, then the 4th week (yep, the week of my period usually) I just fall away for 3 days or so.
ANYWAYS, this post is getting longer than I thought. But what I really want to start out by changing is giving myself a little BREAK . I reallize I get my schedule jam packed, and its not really what I want my life to be like. I enjoy being busy once in a while. But for weeks on end when there is just no break (especially when the wknds get busy too)- I just cant do it. Some people can, but it doesn't mean I can or should. I also want to set up my "If it fits your macros" system and execise routines.
I will post those soon! I have some thinking to do...but it was really goood to get those thoughts out
I want to be stable and constant in every way. I started this blog as an attempt to catch on to my own patterns and hopefully understand why this happens so I can change. I have a hunch that I let myself get too worn out (doing it all, all the time)- so my first step is to set up a more forgiving, more maneagable schedule for myself. I also know that when I am doing my "diet and exercise" plan, I tend to feel like I 'm really missing out. I am a cook...I love food. I have never been overweight, but I like to eat. I can deal with lean meat and veggies for about 2 weeks before I start just getting depressed about it. Especially when I am cooking masterpieces for my family. So, I decided that has to go too. I am trying out the If It Fits Your Macros philosophy for the next phase of my life to see how I like it.
SO-
Snapshot of my life, right now:
I am 5'6", 132 lbs. I just gained 10 lbs in the past 3 months- I was in a fitness (NPC) competition 3 months ago and kind of had a bad experience. I want to do a show again, but in a different manor. More on that later. I am 7 pounds more than I think I want to be, but I have been treating my body badly the past 3 months. Don't get me wrong, I look good right now. I am by no means overweight. But I am starting to feel a little uncomfortable in my skin, and I know it's because I am not where my personal ideal body weight is.
My typical schedule is very bipolar. I am manically busy (at least I feel manically busy) for 2-3 wees, and then one week I just cant handle it anymore and get by doing the bare minimum. I HATE this about myself- that one week I spend selfish, depressed, and just hating my life. I tend to think it's because I completely exhaust myself those 3 weeks, and then when my body makes me rest, I get mad that I'm no a robot and that everything isn't getting done that I PLANNED to do.
Here is an idea of how my life pans out:
Schedule (as planned)
5am- up, to the gym
645-home, make breakfast, pack lunches, get myself and kids ready
8:15- kids at school, me to work
8:30-1:30- work
1:30-3:00- volunteer at school or errands/shopping
315- get kids,
homework, clean, hang with kids
6- dinner
dishes, kids chores, kids baths,
8- kids bed
1 hour with husband
9- start getting ready for bed
This is a typical day in my life. But sometimes I go off the deep end and just do enough to get by. I skip the gym and sleep until 7, I have the kids eat cereal, and don't do the dishes. Dinner is ramen noodles and sandwiches. I forget to check hw, I don't do laundry....you get the idea. I hate dropping the ball! I hate more the guilt and dissatisfaction of not completing these tasks some days, than the actual ball drop. I would say I currently mess up like this 3 times a month. And it is all in the same week. So, I'll do good for 3 weeks, then the 4th week (yep, the week of my period usually) I just fall away for 3 days or so.
ANYWAYS, this post is getting longer than I thought. But what I really want to start out by changing is giving myself a little BREAK . I reallize I get my schedule jam packed, and its not really what I want my life to be like. I enjoy being busy once in a while. But for weeks on end when there is just no break (especially when the wknds get busy too)- I just cant do it. Some people can, but it doesn't mean I can or should. I also want to set up my "If it fits your macros" system and execise routines.
I will post those soon! I have some thinking to do...but it was really goood to get those thoughts out
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